Hoping no one gave up on me! Over the past couple months I have been working on healing myself and forging on a spiritual journey! Today’s blog was written back in July and interrupted by needing to focus on my mental health. No need to wonder why because of course I’ll be writing about it!!
The months of May and June 2020 were super hard on me and I want to share something non-fibromyalgia related but feel it helped mentally and physically. Well I guess it is related because stress causes many of my flares. My goal was to spread more awareness since it was Fibromyalgia Awareness Month but certain things in life cannot be controlled and I had to focus on taking care of myself. I’ve made it a goal to spread more awareness throughout the rest of the year though.
Due to the circumstances I was given I was lost and didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. This was the beginning of my spiritual journey and I’m forever grateful to finally find my relationship with God. Yes, for those who really know me I did say a relationship with God. All my life I have always believed in God but this is something I’ve never experienced before. It’s amazing how everything happens right when it’s needed.
So I grew up Catholic. We never attended church once a week like we were supposed to growing up. My mom told me it is because she was forced to go growing up and didn’t want to force us. She wanted us to want to go so we would enjoy mass and learn. I’ve been through everything to be accepted into heaven as a catholic except get married in the eyes of God at a church. Attended the weekly religion classes, baptized, first communion, confirmation, and all the things in between. When I joined the military I was more of what they call a holiday Catholic. You know Ash Wednesday, Easter, and Christmas.
When I joined the military I was exposed to many different religions. Some I had not even heard of in movies. Yes, you read that right. Where I grew up there was Catholics and Lutherans. I once attended a service I’m not even sure what religion it was with a close friend. Oh there was a very small Methodist church in my hometown but I personally did not know anyone who attended nor saw anyone come in or out of it (still to this day). Basic training was the first time I heard of a non-denominational church. Every Sunday during basic I went to mass at the Catholic Church because I had no clue what they did at the other church and those were our only options. They could have been practicing voo doo for all I knew. One of the days I attended mass I cried like a big ole baby because my little sister was an alter girl for the first time back home and this day was the first “first” thing she did that I was missing. I felt safe there to express my emotions and this is how I knew I’ve always had a connection with God.
While I was active duty I was blessed by working in a hospital where there was always a small chapel. This allowed me to be able to attend Ash Wednesday while I was working using my lunch break. Of course there were some holidays celebrated on Sundays I was unable to attend because of wonderful shift work. The easiest way to explain is I did the best I could do. My heart was in it but there were just some things about the catholic religion I didn’t agree with. For example, the traditional rule is you must attend mass every week to be accepted into heaven. I always believed if you believe in God, he believes in you. This is why I always kept an open mind learning about other religions.
My curiosity about other religions became stronger when I was stationed at Langley AFB, VA. I worked with all of these God loving woman and it was beautiful. I never really understood it but it was just awesome to see their love and devotion to God. I always respected their devotion and would help them out such as taking shifts if they needed to attend something. I know I didn’t have to but it just felt right. I never looked for a church because I was scared. Now since I’ve grown spiritually I can admit I was embarrassed I didn’t know much about the Bible but had been through all the steps for a Catholic.
When I cross trained into OSI I was invited one Sunday to attend a non-denominational church. It was definitely not what I expected but a very inspirational day. I had no clue there were churches with bands and played upbeat religious music. After everything was complete everyone who attended stuck around and talked with everyone. Not just a particular family or person but everyone they could talk to before they departed. Sadly I didn’t go back. Still had that embarrassment of not knowing the Bible in me. Really enjoyed the experience though and glad it opened my eyes to new things. Thank you Colvin and Brenda.
After graduating from cross training I received orders to Utah. In Utah I didn’t even think there were other churches than church of latter-day saints. Yes I sound super ignorant but this is the only religion I had heard about for the first couple months I was there. Sure there was a couple churches on base but I never really felt comfortable attending on base cause I wanted something in my life not related to the military kind of something just for me. A couple months after Erik and I started dating we went to church. I do not remember what specific religion it was but it was huge. Cathedral type huge with a stage, a band, gigantic screens displaying the words of the songs, and drinks in the lobby. It was nothing like I had ever seen before. We only went a couple times but I really enjoyed it.
When we lived in Florida we never really looked for a church. Not really sure why. We tried one church while in Minnesota. I didn’t think it was bad but the kids didn’t enjoy the children activities they had while Erik and I were in service. We ended up going a couple more times but eventually stopped going all together. I went once by myself because Erik and I got into a huge fight and I need some Jesus time. I was even a bad holiday Catholic and didn’t attend any of the important masses.
Now wheels started turning when we got orders to Georgia. Our last year in Minnesota, I learned a lot about my in-law family in the sense of religion. When Cecil passed in 2016 everything started coming to light. I knew Erik’s grandfather was a preacher and his family was God oriented. I would randomly hear Momma Tyler reference the Bible and sing some gospel. I learned his Uncle John was also a preacher and his wife Aunt Tina was a Godly woman herself. It seemed Momma Tyler was saying more references of the Bible while processing the death of Cecil. I started gaining a little more interest as I wanted to understand better what she going through so I could try and help. I also knew Erik grew up going to church on a regular basis but he never really showed to me he was still practicing. His brother fell ill in 2018 and when I visited him in the hospital one of his prior college coaches came to pray with him from a couches Bible. I never even knew there was such a thing but it was really touching. All together just seeing and learning more how my in-laws were so religious was a true blessing for me.
Let’s start digging into the journey. It all started when Keira and I went to Georgia and stayed with Uncle John and Aunt Tina for some house hunting. There was this one big church we kept driving by and just stuck out for some reason. On the third or fourth day Keira and Aunt Tina were discussing ways for Keira to find a church she likes in Georgia. So I jumped on board to support her. Encouraged her to start making a list of churches she may want to attend for when we finally moved. I even remember Aunt Tina telling Keira something about how God uses people as a guide to bring other close to Him. Deep down I know it was a little hint for Keira to encourage me to give it a shot and I’m happy for overhearing this conversation. Everything just fell into place. We also survived the great earthquake of the Atlanta area one of those nights. It was a great trip so grateful for being able to find a house for the family and spend time with family.
Fast forward to the move. When we first arrived in Georgia we took the typical two-week timeframe of settling in and learning the area. Our family went through a pretty emotional hardship shortly after we arrived. This brought us even closer to God. We were attending regularly every Sunday and every service spoke to me. The more I went the more I was building my relationship with God. I even reached out to Aunt Tina for suggestions on a study Bible. Now if you knew me 15 years ago you would be shocked to hear this. What can I say? I finally have a relationship with God and it feels good.
Go Fibro Yourself 